Drowning in your Insanity

Oh help me please
I'm drowning in your insanity
It's dark and cold
I can't seem to keep hold
Of my life or mind
Just don't you dare leave me
Behind.

Wind

I miss you like the summer breeze

Please come back to me

Now you're like a cold gust

Blowing in a dark storm

Oh summer breeze

Come back to me

All This Time

All this time I've been
sleeping
slumbering
Through the fog I can
see it
lumbering
Now I'm awake and
it is
outnumbering
me
Run as fast as I can
Fly as high as I might
I won't get out of this one
without a fight
Forests of gray with
the ground made of clay
Running and running
to avoid such a fray
Scared of what I can't see
Is it following me?
I start to worry I'll never get free
He's something I never expected
Something I never suspected
Now his dark side is projected
Dangerous is his love

Away From Here

If I could run away from here
just beyond the sandy yard
with dry grains that burn my
bare feet and the yellow grass
that snags my ankles with sharp
thorns reaching up to hold me back
but they won't hold me back
I keep running on the dry brown leaves
ignoring the beating spring sun
Swish
and just like that I'm through the barrier
past the pines and the oaks and into
the deep thicket of underbrush
damp moss on my feet
running with nowhere to go
all is green with life
somewhere far off the birds are
singing with strange words and melodies
like in the rain forests of the south
I'm wishing I could run that far
I'm wishing I could run anywhere
But it's all just mindless dreaming
I can't run anywhere
especially not away from here.

Art

I want to write my world
into a song, into a poem
I want to transform my pain
into an art, into something
for you to see, to feel, to live
with me
that might make me feel less
alone
But how do you turn this
whatever it is
into words?
How do you make this into
a song to sing
a poem to discover
a book to read?
Even if I could
I'm not sure I want to
I would rather spare you
from this confusion and suffering
I can't paint my soul on a canvas anyway
At least not beyond my dreams
because dreams are where our wildest imaginations
come to life, illuminating what happens in our heads
so what about those awful dreams, perhaps nightmares?
Is that what he really thinks about me?
Is that his poem on life?
Is that what he wants to sing?
Or is it involuntary?
A smear of red across his perfect painting.

Delicate

I'm just a girl
delicate as a china doll
I sit on a table
I feel strong
I look perfect
I gaze upon the land below me
as if I am not seen
as if I am fast or strong
or even sneaky
I am careful not to fall over the edge
unbeknownst to me I would shatter
He's just a boy
a piece of jewelry
made of copper
covered by silver
to hide the vulnerability
He's strong
He's perfect
But when it rains
If not for the silver
He would rust
We are all delicate
in one way or another
some more than others
You just have to look
before you fall

Avalanche

One little thing

Turns to another 

And another, tumbling

and turning, rolling and

growing with each tear as 

energy compacts within me

I feel that lump in my throat because

I know the avalanche is on its way down

the mountain on its way to disaster because

down at the bottom is an explosive mess just

like me, please excuse me I'm a mess, can't form

whole sentences, can't figure out how to spell simple things

and you ask the unaskable, undoable, most painful question

and I hate it and you know it and so do I but you ask it anyway

because you hate yourself though I love you but that will never be

enough, will it. I don't want to hear that question again, and I don't want

to hear you say that word again, that little harmless two-syllable word just

like that unbearable two-syllable command, more of a plead, because I'd never

do it, but you still beg, and it tears me apart, I'm coming apart, please gather me up

before I blow away in the wind, down the mountain to join the avalanche of my creation

Waiting to Fly

Drums on my ears
Hurt to my heart
I am a caged circus bird
Wishing to fly
Oh how sweet that would feel
Wind through my wings
Anywhere I could go
From one far edge of the globe
To the other
But I am a caged bird
Captured by the laughter
Of those at my strange appearance
I am told what to do
How to do it
Blasting haunted carnival tunes
In my sensitive ears
But after all these years
Of this torturous pain
I have grown used to the laughter
The stares
My ears are no longer so sensitive
To the beating drums
Now all that is left to do is wait

Breaking Point

I can feel the tension
Clouds ready to break free
Release acid rain that burns
Burns with a smell of sweet sorrow

Clear Skies of Change

I'm not exactly sure how
Or why
But about eleven months ago
I met someone
Who changed me
I changed for someone
They say you shouldn't do that
But I did
Not on purpose
It just happened
Maybe a natural course
Perhaps I'm better off
Or maybe I haven't changed at all
I could be that same sunshine girl
With the laughter and the tulips
From last June
Negativity is an ugly shadow
Creeping up on me all this time
Possibly I'm just maturing
My tulips growing into something bigger, something
Stronger.
A single sunflower grows just beyond the strawberry fields
Picture perfect
But I'm not picture perfect
A cloud sometimes covers my sun
I relish the rain
And the rainbow that comes after

Must

Sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough
to stand the coming storm
I wonder if I am bold enough
to defy the common rule
If I am fearless enough
to reach new heights
and explore new lands
When things rock my world
An earthquake of bad news
nightmares, pain, heartbreak
I doubt myself
But I remember that
I MUST be strong enough
I MUST be bold enough
I MUST be fearless enough
Because if I'm not
I will break.

Poison

Puffy white clouds
Sweet with blinding perfection
Float among the blue
Just like your
Puffy blond hair
Curls of gold
And late evening sun
Golden-brown with
Graceful blanketing rays
Tracing the orderly lines
Of the tall pines
Down to their roots
Spread across the damp soil
Rich with nutrients
Little green plants
Sprouting with hope
But beneath the beauty
Is darkness
Worms crawling in the dirt
Itchy mysteries below the surface
Everything has a flip side
Everything is poison
But there is a balance
The question is
What is worth its dark side?

Dandelion

A cloud of mini white parasols float in the wind under the oppressive sky

A single wish of tiny brown seeds dances along the humid breeze

A dream that the rain will fall, covering my pain, making me forget

Too Long

Sometimes I feel
trapped
Sometimes I am
alone
I am cornered, a shaken animal not ready for the fight
I am surrounded, no escape and no tricks
For one who loves words so much
I am out of them
run dry
I fumble as they run out of my mouth
No idea what to say
Because what can you say
when your two worlds are at war
when everything you hold dear
want to burn each other down
when everything you love
becomes everything you hate?
But you still love it
because humans are creatures of habit
we resist change
we hold on to things too long
but now I have been cornered on a cliff
my poem too long, my palms too sweaty
for some things there is no choice
Because what can you say
when you are going to fall
no matter what
you just have to let go
let go
we hold onto things too long

Mind Traveler

I flip through pictures
of places I've never been
and never will go
for I am doomed
with the personality
of curiosity
and want to travel
but held
by the walls
stopping me from
going to locations
across the Atlantic
across the country
to the poles
and the very center
the equator
but the very center
for me
will always be
this little town
with its cursed
road running straight through
the road that runs without bounds
past the pine forests that I've always known
the Victorian houses that have have never known
that though I love them, they will always be a symbol
of my greatest desire, and my worst enemy, though the road
gets longer and longer, I cannot travel on it, for I am the one who is trapped
trapped in this town of nobodies and everybodies, of people and monsters
because though the road is long and the cars drive fast
the road is short for me
for I have nowhere
nowhere
I can go.