Cold Shoulder

There is a tension
a growing glare
clouds gather
The back of your head
is all I see
I'm running and running
but I don't move
Wind begins to blow
I am frozen in place
by your icy indifference
cold shoulder
stinging rain
sweet release
I've been waiting so long
the drought had me hopeless
now I am free
lightning empowers me
I move forward
lunging with determination
I tap your shoulder
but you are an illusion
my hand falls right through
and I fall, too
down into the darkness
thunder in my ears

"Harmless"

The lake looks calm
peaceful
harmless
glittering in the sunset
It is tempting
I know exactly what I want
I want to swim
I test the water
It is cold
but I know I will get used to it
So without a second thought
I plunge right in
I can stand on the rocks
and the muddy ground
until I get in deeper
I can swim
but this lake
is foreign to me
The first time I go under
it is exhilarating
I sink into the murk once again
I cannot breathe
I can no longer swim
I am floundering at the mercy of the water
just like that
things changed
I underestimated the lake
and it spurned me
unseen fish nip at my ankles
as I gasp for air
A cold, slimy hand
grabs my leg
pulling me deeper
I am dying
I am dying

Slow to Trust

You retreat to a dark place
I cannot follow
I see you slip away
I reach out
but you are so far already
A coyote
turning to run
fleeing in fear
I am just a human
clumsy, slow
incapable of understanding
What's worse
I look like the hunter
a human as well
He has hurt you so many times
You are so slow to trust
so slow to trust that not even
those who try to protect you
can earn your trust
Slow to trust
Quick to run
You don't trust anyone
They want to keep you in a cage
and you know that
So you continue to run...

Surrounded by People

Surrounded by people
you are silent

In a crowded room
you are alone

You are hardly
the boy I know

Not quite the same as the boy who
walked down the street with me

You are cold and distant
not the playful guy
who surprises me from behind

The boy who tickled me the other day
is gone
replaced by a stranger

A tired, worn soul

The hand I used to hold
is slightly out of reach

Leaves

the crunch of leaves
beneath my feet
I can feel
that autumn breeze
hardly makes a sound
lifting leaves off the ground
spinning around
this quiet town
your hand in mine
we've got all time
while the sun still shines
not a thought in mind

Sunset Boulevard

Take me back down Sunset Boulevard
Large houses with glass walls
midday sun gleam and reflect
Field of gentle pink flowers
A road to the end
the end of the state
or the end of the earth
Red lighthouse
a beacon
Shady trees next to searing sand
Birds with long necks and legs
An adventure
a journey
in a place I'd never been
but I look into your dark eyes
they hide so much
but not now
for now we are children again
there is excitement in your eyes
You grab my hand
lead me through the trails
at the swamp by the sea
and I trust you.

Grandpa's Stones

They say you can’t have a rainbow

Without a little rain

But you knew a secret

A pretty little crystal

And a ray of sunlight

A rainbow indoors

On a sunny day

You also knew why the sky was blue

You would tell me every day

Every morning you would find the little rainbow

The one on the wall

You would show me your other rocks

The ones you made from salt

The ones that looked like gold but weren’t

The smooth multi-colored ones

The slice of colorful rock

Not everything is as it seems

Rocks that fly on the ground to play a game

Certain spot it lands, certain amount of points

I never really did understand that game

And when it rained

We would get an umbrella

And continue walking anyway

Nothing could stop us

We would go hiking in the woods

Across little streams with glittering sunlit rocks

It became a collection

And then while we were at the park

A rainbow might make an appearance

You would point up at the sky

Smile on your face

Marveling at the little miracles of life

Maybe real rainbows are made with rain

But you knew a secret

I still have that pretty little crystal

Now it makes rainbows on my kitchen cabinets

A little piece of magic

A little piece of you

Lasting

summer daydreams
wishing waiting
your eyes meeting
mine
leaves are turning
softly falling
find it all in
time
winter snowfall
snowball throwing
spirit glowing
shine
flowers growing
stretching flowing
reaching towards the
pines

Demon

You're a demon in disguise
You have darkness that you hide
Your evil side hides inside
those golden angel eyes

God Knows Why

I had a dream
I told a thousand stories
wrote a thousand books
I danced around
in the summer glory
earned a hundred looks
Yesterday you asked me a few questions
I didn't say the truth
You told me to go read the Bible
but I'm only on page two
You think you can fix it with a smile
I want it to be over
I want it to be done
I want to end the pain
Don't let my heart grow numb
I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to laugh
God knows why
I had a thought
I knew a thousand reasons
put them all to use
I walked around
in the autumn season
I could never lose
But today I feel like something's missing
I don't know what to do
I don't have a thousand stories
I only have a few
I want it to be over
I want it to be done
I want to end the pain
Don't let my heart grow numb
I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to laugh
Only God knows why

Hidden Scars

shining lights
fill the night
my mind is floating
hills softly glowing
so far away
the houses lay
on the mountain
see them dancing
you have scars
no one sees
hidden beneath
your sleeve
like the stars
in the sky
heart is broken
unlike mine
broken heart
torn apart
your mind still golden
those chestnut eyes
so much they hide
first star I see
who will I be?
you have scars
no one sees
hidden beneath
your sleeve
like the stars
in the sky
heart is broken
unlike mine
my world is filled with falling stars
that rain down to the darkest parts
fill the night with glowing embers
and the smell of sweet summer
you have scars
no one sees
hidden beneath
your sleeve
like the stars
in the sky
heart is broken
still you shine

Waiting for a Shooting Star

I'm waiting for a shooting star
to come and fix my broken heart
to sweep me off to somewhere far
but falling rocks don't fix hearts
I'm waiting for stars to appear
to wish away my deepest fears
but the universe is nowhere near
and fears don't disappear
I'll sit here writing poems
till the sunlight is hours gone
I'm waiting for a shooting star
to come and fix my broken heart
dark as night, you're on my mind
everywhere I look, you're what I find
falling rocks don't fix hearts

Search the Universe

I will search the universe
find nothing but stardust and ashes
sing my heart in every verse
stars fall with blinding flashes
I will search the universe
travel far and wide
lift up the world's hardest curse
that had us all tongue-tied
I need a star to guide me home
instead I'm sitting here alone
going wherever my life goes
I don't know
I've been waiting here for so long
the sadness goes on and on
trying to figure out where I went wrong
I was wrong
I will search the universe
find nothing but stardust and ashes
sing my heart in every verse
falling, my heart crashes

Summer Storm

Can we walk down that road just one more time?
Beautiful sunset, your hand in mine
But as the golden sunlight fades
the field is filled with darkened shades
Here comes the thunder, here comes the rain
this twisted circle is what's causing pain
Summer storm
Summer storm
you whisk me off my feet
your smile oh so sweet
your steady downpour falling
It's your name I'm calling
Summer storm
Summer storm
Well I'm up again, tonight, awake
Can't seem to sleep, for summer's sake
There's a storm outside my window
Do you hear the raging wind blow?
Shutting the blinds I close my eyes
Will I ever stop believing my lies?
Summer storm
Summer storm
you whisk me off my feet
your smile oh so sweet
Summer storm
Summer storm
well it was fun
walking along that street
yeah it was great
seeing your smile
so sweet.
and it's not done
but as I look back
I see all the joy that I lack
Summer storm
Summer storm
your steady downpour falling
again your name I'm calling
Summer storm
Summer storm
smile bittersweet
your name I'm no longer calling

What is Ordinary?

There is a girl
She is not necessarily graceful
Or talented
in any sort of way
She's not terribly pretty
And she's not the ugliest
You'd mistake her for the girl next to her
and the girl next to you
She has auburn hair
Bright orange enough to be different
Dark brown enough to be plain
She says she hates dancing
But every time it rains
You'll find her out by the lake
On the edge of town
Dancing on the moss and the grass and sand
Dancing in the rain
All alone
She looks kind of funny
And everyone talks about it
But no one lets her know
That it is known where she goes
when it rains
They'd rather not let something so 
extraordinary that it is beautiful
be interrupted
That freckled girl still dances in the rain

Goodnight

When you know someone for a year

You begin to notice the patterns

How the person says hello

and goodbye

That little quirk

when he grins

more with the right side of his mouth

how he says goodnight

every night

without fail

Some nights the goodnight is happy

joyful, warmth of a hug and kiss

floating on dreams of the future

love stories with happy endings

dancing on starlight and my imagination

And some goodnights are stressed

a terse kind of goodbye

The goodnight could be angry

every needle every knife

every weapon pointed at each other

a battle that exists only in words and thoughts

Or goodnights can be just plain sad

woeful understanding of what is to come

the fearful nightmares that haunt us

in the backs of our minds

This is the most ironic type of goodnight

The night is not good at all

darkness and fears

I run and run but cannot find sleep

I tire but do not rest

When we say "goodnight"

I know neither of us go to sleep

We wait up, hoping for someone to save us both

An awful sort of irony.

Dangerous Flames

You say you
Trust me
You say you
Love me
I believed you
But your heart has been
Broken
You are like flames
They dance dangerously
Consuming every bit of me
And my strength
But your blaze is so beautiful
I'm captivated by you
Even if all you leave behind
Are hot coals of pain
And ashes of loss
I can't get away from the fire
It draws me closer
Every singe and burn
Every drop of blood
You say you
Trust me
You say you
Love me
Do I believe you?
It's not a matter of whether I
Believe you or don't
It's a matter of how close I
Can get to your flames and survive
They pull me in
Drawing me closer
What you say
Might burn me

Enclosed by Locks

She sits there
She looks around
She's aware
She's not welcome now
Nor was she ever
Though she's alone
She holds it together
And writes her poems
She's a loner
She's an outcast
She's the girl you don't see
She watches the world
Even watches you and me
When she moves it's like
Water weaving through the rocks
Her story is hidden
Enclosed by locks
This girl is not who you know
Her deepest emotions
Hardly ever show
She might've been your friend
But you forgot her in an instant
She could've met her end
And you wouldn't have noticed
No one ever realizes
No one ever sees
That under the disguises
There lies quite some unease
She's a loner
She's an outcast
She's the girl you don't see
She watches the world
Even watches you and me
This girl is not what you think
You better listen to her story
It might very soon sink
She doesn't say a lot
But her mind is so wild
She's everything you think she's not
Even though she smiles
Hides it all inside
She does
She shuts the world out
She can't trust anyone because
The past fills her with doubt
Look
Pay attention
No one should feel alone
Do you feel the tension?
Tell someone
Let it be known
When she moves it's like
Water weaving through rocks
Her story is hidden
Enclosed by locks
This girl keeps it inside
But now she's too tired to hide

Communication

My ex-best-friend tried to warn me

She said we needed more communication

I thought things were fine

He and I were happy, in a way

We were too shy to really talk much

But things were getting better

So I shrugged it off

But now I think that maybe he deserves

a girl who takes charge, who'll know what to do

and maybe I belong with a guy who will actually

have a conversation with me instead of sitting there

with headphones in, reading a book

or just holding my hand

not saying much

he thinks that's enough

but I'm beginning to think it's not

I just want a real relationship

One where we can go places and try new things

I don't want to just sit there on the couch and watch movies all day

though that's good, too

I want to know him

I want him to know me

He thinks he knows me

And maybe he would

If we had what my ex-best-friend calls

communication

Sweetheart

I like it when you call me sweetheart
I like it when you call me anything, really
baby, sweetie, freckles
Or even just my name
I like it when you look at me
with those deep brown eyes
that I could stare into forever
sinking deeper and deeper
I like it when you hug me
whisper in my ear
you love me
and it'll be alright
I like it when you wrap your arms around me
I like it when you tickle me
I like it when you kiss me
I like it when you hold my hand
I like it when you try to help me
Even when I don't need help
Even when I don't want help
I like it when you're persistent
I like it when you care
I like it when we take walks around your old neighborhood
I like it when we talk about things without meaning to
but I also appreciate your silence
I don't like it when you're sad
I don't like it when I don't know what to do
I don't like it when you get in the mode
That mode I can't get you out of
That mode I stopped trying to get you out of
Because you get me in that mode, too
I don't like it when you go too far
Even if you don't mean to
I don't like it when you say things just to get to me
I don't like it when you hate
I don't like it when you clash with others
I don't like it when I can't do anything to help you
I don't like it when you don't eat
I don't like it when you throw up what you do eat
I don't like it when you have nightmares
I don't like it when you refuse to sleep
I don't like it when you're scared
I don't like it when I have nothing to say
and you don't either
I don't like it when you ignore me
I don't like it when you don't say goodbye
I don't like it when I cry
I don't like it when you don't notice I'm sad
I don't like it when you do notice, either
I don't like it when you hate yourself
I don't like it when you talk about death
I don't like it when when we're nameless
I think I'll keep the name sweetheart instead

Forever Forgotten

I'm left behind in the dust
I'm running for a train I'll never catch
Lost in the fog
Forever forgotten
It doesn't feel good
Watching you go
Turn your back
As I struggle with my pack
Forgotten
I feel forgotten
Pass me by
nothing but a wave goodbye
Hide behind my umbrella made of leaves
I'm not in a rush anymore
I'm not running for a train I'll never catch
I'll just watch it leave
without me.

Kitten

A pretty little tabby kitten
Her chestnut fur is lit by golden sunlight
Of the afternoon spring sun
The grass around her glows
Like fireflies of the evening summer
She licks her paw slowly
Watching the world as it unfolds
A whole adventure to be had
There is so much potential for
A pretty little tabby kitten
Her green eyes lit by curiosity

The Garden

I had a wonderful day at the garden with you
We pulled weeds from the soil
and vines from the rocks
I had an enchanting day at the garden with you
If only you had been there
we planted lettuce and strawberries
and harvested snow peas and radishes
I had a lovely day at the garden with you
I missed you all the while
We ran around in the grass
spraying each other with the hose
doing work that didn't feel like work
It was a splendid day at the garden with you
If only you had come

The Task at Hand

Pouring
Pounding
in my ears
rain falls like lead
like hail
crashing down to
pain
yet all is
calm and peaceful
and my mind is numb
I block it all out
and focus on
the task at hand

Shells

I have a few shells
from my last trip to the beach
They are hard as stone
and fragile as a glass vase
blooming with smooth
flowers that twirl in the center
like an oceanic whirlpool

Invisible Fragility

We are delicate

Tissue paper in

a soft breeze

Silvery feather

dances in the night

so no one sees

the ethereal essence

We are both delicate

but invisible is our

fragility

as we spread our

gossamer wings

with silvery feathers

My Head

It seems as though
one sacrifice of my joy
gave me another love
and it seems as though
maybe it was worth it
but I wonder if it wasn't
I wonder I wonder
but never get anything done
running in circles
is a hobby of mine
my music is important to me
but is it really?
How do I know?
Is there some evil being in me?
Subconsciously making me forget
about importance
about what is real
and what isn't
I'll get back to it some day
but tonight I'll forget
forget about importance
and the demon inside my head

Relax

You say
relax relax
But it doesn't work like that
Yeah it's
relax relax
I'm falling through the cracks
Train runs off its tracks
It's time to face the facts
It doesn't work like that
I don't wanna talk to you right now
All you're gonna do is bring me down
So I shut off my phone and
Wish I could go home
You tell me to calm down
tell me to relax
tell me what to do now
Can you tell me that?
There's a storm in my mind
rain is poring down
love has made me blind
I don't want to drown
So barricade the walls
Protect from the rain
all of the feral squalls
hit the weather vane
difference between day and night
clouds and the clear sky
give me cause to write
this poem while I cry
crazy strong waves
forcing us into caves
and possibly to our graves
don't leave, please wait
don't leave me to my fate
What if it's not worth it?
Could it be not worth it?
You say
relax relax
slice my heart with an ax
It's time to face the facts
it doesn't work like that
I won't relax
I can't relax
Don't tell me to
relax

When It Rains

It's raining yet again
I write when it rains
It rains when I write
It's sad and yet
releasing
Tears running down my face
So intense
So determined
I write when it rains
It rains when I write

Thinker

At 9:52
I sit here in wonder
of the day that has passed me
and the day to begin tomorrow
I'm a thinker, one might say
I plan ahead
I glance behind
I think a lot
But when it's dark like this
And my eyes are aching
And the clock reads 9:53
It's been a long day
But I don't think about that
I think about what is next
Step by step
Now it's 9:54
and I'm getting a little bored
But I do not wish to sleep
Because just hours ago
There was a trade-off of words
A fierce unforgiving silent battle
Across the town
As is the gift and burden of technology
Just like the analog clock that burns
the numbers 9:55
But I never wish to sleep
for I would have to think
about the trade-off of words
the harshest words
I got carried away
So did he
And I'm a forgiving person
But at 9:56
he's already asleep
I'm up wondering where I went wrong
Probably a lot of places
I have too much on my mind
at 9:57
I will stay up
I will not sleep
This is not the end of the day
Merely the beginning
But by 9:58
time is flying too fast
It means I must go to sleep
But that's the last thing on my mind
at 9:59
I might as well just wait till 10

Drowning in your Insanity

Oh help me please
I'm drowning in your insanity
It's dark and cold
I can't seem to keep hold
Of my life or mind
Just don't you dare leave me
Behind.

Wind

I miss you like the summer breeze

Please come back to me

Now you're like a cold gust

Blowing in a dark storm

Oh summer breeze

Come back to me

All This Time

All this time I've been
sleeping
slumbering
Through the fog I can
see it
lumbering
Now I'm awake and
it is
outnumbering
me
Run as fast as I can
Fly as high as I might
I won't get out of this one
without a fight
Forests of gray with
the ground made of clay
Running and running
to avoid such a fray
Scared of what I can't see
Is it following me?
I start to worry I'll never get free
He's something I never expected
Something I never suspected
Now his dark side is projected
Dangerous is his love

Away From Here

If I could run away from here
just beyond the sandy yard
with dry grains that burn my
bare feet and the yellow grass
that snags my ankles with sharp
thorns reaching up to hold me back
but they won't hold me back
I keep running on the dry brown leaves
ignoring the beating spring sun
Swish
and just like that I'm through the barrier
past the pines and the oaks and into
the deep thicket of underbrush
damp moss on my feet
running with nowhere to go
all is green with life
somewhere far off the birds are
singing with strange words and melodies
like in the rain forests of the south
I'm wishing I could run that far
I'm wishing I could run anywhere
But it's all just mindless dreaming
I can't run anywhere
especially not away from here.

Art

I want to write my world
into a song, into a poem
I want to transform my pain
into an art, into something
for you to see, to feel, to live
with me
that might make me feel less
alone
But how do you turn this
whatever it is
into words?
How do you make this into
a song to sing
a poem to discover
a book to read?
Even if I could
I'm not sure I want to
I would rather spare you
from this confusion and suffering
I can't paint my soul on a canvas anyway
At least not beyond my dreams
because dreams are where our wildest imaginations
come to life, illuminating what happens in our heads
so what about those awful dreams, perhaps nightmares?
Is that what he really thinks about me?
Is that his poem on life?
Is that what he wants to sing?
Or is it involuntary?
A smear of red across his perfect painting.

Delicate

I'm just a girl
delicate as a china doll
I sit on a table
I feel strong
I look perfect
I gaze upon the land below me
as if I am not seen
as if I am fast or strong
or even sneaky
I am careful not to fall over the edge
unbeknownst to me I would shatter
He's just a boy
a piece of jewelry
made of copper
covered by silver
to hide the vulnerability
He's strong
He's perfect
But when it rains
If not for the silver
He would rust
We are all delicate
in one way or another
some more than others
You just have to look
before you fall